deep thoughts

2024-12-17: I was fired! Well, the temp placement ended early. I was supposed to help out at least through the end of tax season, but they let me go midday today. I don't know what I did wrong. Merry Christmas :(

2024-11-26: Checking in. Things are still rough. But I think I'm functional.

I got a library card recently, these things kick ass. I have been tearing through the cookbook section. I got this book on risotto and one on fried rice and as soon as I have the energy, ingredients, and self-confidence, I'm gonna make some absolute feasts.

2024-11-10: I'm having a terrible day and I feel like every choice I make just makes things worse. I can't do anything right. I can't even get groceries.

2024-11-10: I spent my birthday home sick, miserable, and doing an emergency round of laundry after my dog had an accident. I'm sure I'd feel less depressed if I actually did stuff, but with what energy? And now that I'm working a 40 hr workweek again again, with what time? I have to conserve the energy + time I have to get the important stuff done around the house. I have nothing left for me. My dogs don't even like spending time with me any more, they spend all their time with Jason, they only go with me when it's time for food and walkies. I'm really not feeling good about myself these days.

2024-11-09: Happy birthday to me :/

2024-11-05: I hate being right.

2024-11-04: Election is tomorrow... really hope Donald Trump loses... really think he's going to win :( I did also think that Clinton would win 2016 and Trump would win 2020 so I don't know if I trust my own predictions.

Fingers crossed I'll be pleasantly surprised in a couple of days, but it's hard for me to get my hopes up.

2024-11-03: I'm sick of coming up with new meals to eat every day. I can't eat the same thing every day cause if I go like 3+ days eating the same thing it starts making me feel sick. If I try to force myself to eat something my brain's decided is gross, I straight-up start gagging or puking when I eat something that rubs me the wrong way. I wish I wasn't such a picky eater. It's time-consuming, embarrassing, and frustrating.

2024-10-30: Unclogged a toilet today

2024-10-27: I think I got over my sinus infection

2024-10-24: I think I have a sinus infection

2024-10-24: I sent in my ballot today! Proud to vote against Donald Trump for a third election in a row, though I'm irritated an awful cruel man like him keeps getting nominated. I went with the safe choice (Harris/Walz) but I live in California so it doesn't really matter who I vote for, thanks electoral college!

2024-10-21: Been struggling a lot lately. I feel like I can't enjoy a single moment without thinking of the people who have it worse off than me, and then feeling guilty and ashamed.

I've gone through phases like this and they always pass, but it feels like each one lasts longer and longer.

Jason and the dogs have been wonderful and supportive at least. I'll never understand what they see in me but I'm glad they see it!

2024-10-20: Nothing has really happened today. Might go grocery shopping...

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